This month, it's hard to miss all those cupids fluttering through the air and the bright red Valentine hearts all around. Perhaps someone you know, or even you yourself, is lacking a special someone with whom to share this romantic holiday. Or perhaps you're single again and think it might be this way forever. Well, think again.
Four couples were handed lemons in their lives. Instead of mourning the past, they turned their lemons into lemonade and discovered romance can be found in one's golden years.
Carroll and Lucy Teeter
Lucy H. Jackson-Teeter, 86, enjoyed 49 years of marriage before loosing her first husband in February 1999. Carroll Teeter, 91, lost his first wife in August 1999. Both attend First Presbyterian Church in Winter Haven.
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Carroll and Luc Teeter will celebrate their 10-year wedding anniversary this year. They each are in their second marriage.
Provided by the Teeters. |
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"We were both at a church supper, very casual," Lucy says.
That casual gathering in 1999 was the beginning of an e-mail marathon between the two.
"E-mail is a great way to start a relationship," says Carroll, who then was 81 years old. "We had a lot in common. We had a lot to write about. It started off as a comfortable beginning."
Carroll says the two of them both love to read and write, so he started using very intriguing words in his e-mail correspondence that he knew a lady would like.
The couple say they e-mailed frequently - up to several e-mails daily, even though they only lived six blocks apart.
"I couldn't wait to get on the e-mail every morning," Lucy says. "My son thought I was getting senile because of my actions. I was so anxious to get started on the e-mail."
After six weeks of primarily electronic courting, they accumulated a stack of correspondence two inches thick.
On Jan. 26, 2000, Carroll invited Lucy to his home on Lake Roy for tea.
"I drove six blocks, and when I got there, there was a big sign on the door that said, 'Marry me!,' not will you marry me?" Lucy says. "I walked right in. I didn't falter at all. I walked in the door and into the door of my heart."
Carroll says, "I had two glasses of wine and the Bible on the table. We were sitting in the living room looking out the picture window at the lake, and I read St. Paul's ode to love in Corinthians, and Lucy read 'How Do I Love Thee: Sonnets from the Portuguese,' by Elizabeth Barrett Browning."
They married on May 20, 2000, just a little more than a year after Lucy lost her first husband and less than a year's time after Carroll's first wife passed away.
"It takes nothing away from either of the previous marriages," Lucy says. "It's such a meaningful way to live these elder years."
Carroll says, "We feel sorry for people who say they'll never marry again. That's unnecessary loneliness."
In any new relationship, whether it's a second or even a third time around, or the type that seems like it's going too fast, the couple may soon realize that they aren't the only ones in the relationship.
"One of my sons didn't accept it at first. He didn't come to the wedding, but he has come around since, and he calls every day to see that we are OK," Lucy says.
Carroll has four children and Lucy has six, and they each have five grandchildren.
The couple, who will celebrate their 10-year anniversary this year, advises a sensible pre-nuptial agreement for anyone wishing to wed later in life when adult children are involved. They say it's important to each have a lawyer to protect the estates of each person for their children.
"That is the chief reason," Carroll says. "It doesn't have to be complicated. It can be pretty simple. The children approved of what we were doing."
Something else they've done for their children is to keep their own phone numbers, since they each have had them for many years.
"That's not a disagreement, just an accommodation," Carroll says. They also are both writing stories about their first marriages to leave to their children.
Lucy says this new beginning has restored them both.
The couple works together beautifully. Lucy proofreads all of Carroll's writings for him, with such stories about the history of the beginning of hospice, as well as the history of the Friends of the Winter Haven Public Library, and his current work on the history of Habitat for Humanity of East Polk County. They are each other's encouragers.
"I told him that he is the only one left alive with this kind of information, like names of people and so on," Lucy says.
For dating, the couple enjoys picnics, book reviews at Polk State College, visiting state parks and conversations with each other. They also read books to each other at bedtime.
With a combined 112 years of marriage, this couple recommends always going to doctors' appointments together to hear together and go through news together, and get the doctors' orders and prescription instructions together.
Scott and Kay Hedden
Scott Hedden lost his first wife after 44 years of marriage. His new wife, Kay, was married 35 years before a divorce. They had known one other for a long time, attending the same church, and both being officers in the National Association of Active and Retired Federal Employees (NARFE). Scott's first wife and Kay actually were good friends.
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Scott and Kay Hedden celebrate their marriage with a toast. Their relationship started as friends.
Provided by the Heddens. |
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What started the special friendship of Scott and Kay was an invitation to dinner, but though they had known each other for several years, they both say they were worried about what they would talk about.
Scott says his problem was that this was different than dating his first spouse.
"I didn't know what to do," he says. "She said she didn't know if she wanted to go eat, and I said, 'Well, you've got to eat.' " Kay says, "It was scary, really. I was wondering what he wanted. A friend of mine said, 'Well, you'll never know unless you go out with him, and if you don't like him, you'll never have to go out with him again.' "
Scott and Kay said they went to Chili's restaurant to dine and talk. They say they've been talking ever since.
That first date led to grilling out, enjoying summer swims, taking hiking trips and going on picnics. Kay and Scott then entertained the idea of vacationing in Australia.
"We both like to travel, and I could afford that trip," Kay says.
Scott asked Kay, "Wouldn't it be nice if we were married before we go?"
The Winter Haven couple wed before venturing out to the "Land Down Under." They enjoyed touring Australia, New Zealand, Melbourne, Sydney, Tasmania, the Outback and all the way down to the Great Barrier Reef.
The couple married two years after the passing of Scott's first wife, and Kay had been single for three years. In speaking of their second time around, Kay says, "I liked my singleness. I wasn't anxious to get married. I enjoyed doing my own thing."
Scott says, "When your wife dies, you think it's all over. You get really lonesome. So many people at church were trying to set me up, and I told them that I would pick my own dates. I didn't have any ideas of romance. I just wanted a companion to go dancing with, go to a movie and dinner."
The Heddens go ballroom dancing and attend fundraisers for various charities. They bowl and play bridge once a week, and they also like to fish. "I am so grateful and completely thankful that I got a second chance," Scott says. "I am so thankful for Kay. I got a whole new life with Kay."
Kay says, "He's a nice guy. When you've been through trials and tribulations like we have, we decided to be together."
The couple says that after they watched "The Bucket List" movie, they made their own bucket list.
"I put 'Ride in a limo' on mine," Kay says. "I had never ridden in a limousine, and he arranged that for my birthday. We picked up all of our kids and had dinner and champagne in Lakeland. It was so relaxing and a total surprise. When you have two families, it is important to get them all together, and this was nice."
Scott's bucket list included: Go to the Grand Canyon, Brant Canyon and Las Vegas. They have visited all of those destinations and more. Their recommendation to those contemplating another chance is to "Do it while you can."
Bob Bishop and LaDotha Ready-Bishop
After 41 years of marriage, Bob Bishop became a widower.
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LaDotha and Bob Bishop found love the second time around through a local dating service.
Provided by the Bishops. |
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"You go through shock, disbelief, sorrow, anger, depression, all of that," Bob says. "You think your life is over. The life partner is gone, and it took me a year to get over it. You don't know what to do, and your life partner is not there to share life with anymore. I was slowly dying. My sons saw what I was doing to myself, and they sat me down and said, 'Dad, Mom is gone, and you need to go out and meet people.' So I put it in my rear-view mirror and joined a dating service."
LaDotha Bishop had divorced her former husband after a 30-year marriage. She, too, joined the same local dating service in an effort to start fresh again. "I would encourage a dating service because, how else would you meet single people?"
"It's a real good outlet," Bob says. "You just have to sort them out."
The Bishops say people have to retrain themselves when they're back in the dating game, because things are different now.
"It's a different scene," Bob says. "You can't go back and do it like you were a teenager, because you're not one any more."
LaDotha says one thing that hasn't changed is the way she wanted to be treated.
"The thing that got my attention more than the anything else was that he was a real gentleman."
This couple says that when they met through the dating service, they started out as buddies.
"We became companions before we became close," LaDotha says. "We would get together and talk about all the crazies that the singles group would send us once a month."
Bob and LaDotha both say that going through a dating service is exciting, but it is work.
"Don't expect it to come to you," LaDotha says. "You've got to take a chance. It is scary."
Bob and LaDotha's friendship grew. They realized they shared the same faith, and they advised finding that similarity for anyone out there dating again.
"Regardless of what your faith is, make sure it is the same foundation," Bob says.
They began dating each other and doing what they both love to do - getting dressed up and going to nice places to dine and dance.
The Bishops married on Valentine's Day 2009. They say they have learned in their "later-in-life marriage" to not try to be someone else.
"You are not his first wife,"
LaDotha says. "This is the latter part of your life, and you're trying to get a beginning at the end of your life."
They advise not comparing the person who you were with before to the one you have now.
"If you do that, you're in trouble," Bob says. "It's a working recovery. It is detrimental if you keep bringing up the past and relive it all the time."
Adds LaDotha, "You need to start building a new life for the two of you."
The couple says it is vital to have fun together doing things that you have in common. The Bishops enjoy attending car shows and singing karaoke together under the stage names of "Big Daddy Bob and DD Doll" at the Holiday Inn South for their "Karaoke with Billy." They also attend patriotic and U.S. veteran-related events in their U.S. Army Jeep, portraying the characters from the late "Mash 007" TV show. Both also are fans of the Florida Gators.
Their advice to others considering a second marriage is: "If you are going to commit, go ahead and get married with a prenuptial agreement, and buy a home together that can be the new house for the new relationship."
Steve and Bonnie Turbeville
Steve Turbeville found himself widowed after loosing his first wife in September 2007. His new wife, Bonnie, lost her first husband just three days before Valentine's Day 2009, after a 38-year marriage.
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Steve and Bonnie Turbeville met after Bonnie chose to continue her late husband's volunteer work with Lighthouse Ministries. Steve is the organization's executive director.
Provided by the Turbevilles. |
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Bonnie says that after six months of mourning and grief, she decided it was time to do something with the hand she had been dealt.
"I had been praying for a way to move on, but felt so lost and without direction," she says. "(First husband) Bobby had been retired for 10 years, and we did everything together."
She says that during the funeral for her first husband, his volunteer work and position on the board of Lighthouse Ministries was mentioned. Bonnie felt specifically that God wanted her to continue that work.
Steve is the executive director for Lighthouse Ministries and took Bonnie's first phone call himself.
"I knew when I talked to him, he was acquainted with the kind of grief I felt, and he communicated with compassion and clarity what he was going through," Bonnie says.
When Bonnie began volunteering at the Lakeland charity, the two found themselves talking about how difficult it was to get re-established in a community that seemed to be so couple orientated.
"We talked in general about having a mutual awkward feeling with the opposite sex, but wanted to have male and female friendships," Bonnie says. "We agreed the dating scene had changed a great deal since we had dated 30-some years ago. There seemed to be no real rule book, or organization to reintroduce one to social gatherings other than young singles. Even the church did not seem to address mature singles."
Steve asked Bonnie to help him with a Biblical presentation, and after agreeing, she says she realized what God was doing.
"This was something pretty special in my life, and Steve was just what I had prayed for - a good and godly man," Bonnie says. "Frankly, I was shocked that God was so prompt and specific."
Bonnie says anyone newly widowed should "know what you want first of all, and get out of the house. Look for opportunities to serve others, and find value in everyone you come in contact with. Be deliberate in your search for friends and people who you enjoy and have something in common with. Don't go anywhere to look for companionship that crosses your moral value system. Mr. Right is not there. Mr. Wrong is."
Steve says being single again was awkward and caused him to have insecurities. While he had many friends and family, he still went home alone when it was time for them to be with their families.
"I went to my counselor and we worked on embracing the grief and moving through the loneliness," Steve says. "Months later, we worked on what were good relationships and what could become bad relationships. In this, I learned it was helpful to have counseling and accountability."
Steve chose solitude with God to replace his loneliness. He says that after 18 months of prayer, Bonnie showed up.
"We were all giddy and gloriously happy and wondered why the whole world was not that way," Bonnie says of their relationship. "All our children were confused, thought we had lost our minds and were very suspicious of the new events taking over their parents' lives. My children actually called a meeting at my home and wanted to know Steve's intentions towards their mother. It was endearing and thoughtful but scary for Steve. My twin brother, Barney, told me to tell Steve to 'Keep his day job.' "
During their nine-week courtship, the couple agreed to go to counseling and to stay in counseling even after marriage. The couple says they are following the advice they have received in counseling on matters concerning a blended family, and they are careful not to push each other on the new family.
They enjoy simple beauty together - that of changing leaves and rolling hills - and say they enjoy their new sisters and brothers-in-law.
One of the first gifts they gave to one another was each taking the Kendall Personalities Test and the Love Language test by Gary Smalley.
"You truly need to know your potentials and your mate's strengths and weaknesses," Bonnie says. "Knowledge is power in any relationship."
They enjoy sharing cards and flowers and say they send text messages to each other all the time.
At their wedding, instead of having someone give Bonnie away, they chose to have her walk down the aisle, with Steve walking up the aisle to meet her halfway. With the traditional unity candle, the couple chose to have the candle pre-lit. With that candle, Bonnie first committed to honoring the memory of Steve's first wife, Diane, and Steve lit another candle honoring Bonnie's first husband, Bobby.
Bonnie's life motto could be a good motto for anyone, regardless of marital status: "You've got what you want, until you change it."
